The Phantom Menace

So yeah.
I know this is a little late, but let me explain.
I was thirteen when it came out in theaters, and fourteen nine months later when it finally came out on VHS, and of course I had to buy the Special Edition (this was very very shortly before DVD became the thing, or at least before Hollywood Video started carrying mostly DVDs). I'm referring to Star Wars Episode One.
'Special Edition' in this case means it came with a snippet of four frames of actual film (it was all random, I got a shot or two of the final Gungan Battle) and, before the film started, a twenty minute documentary, which was essentially about how they animated Jar-Jar's ears.
I was in heaven.

FLASH cut to
Harrison's New Years' Party!
It's an annual thing, every year in costumes (last year in togas, this year 'literal interpretations of Beatles songs [best not to ask]), and always with insanity and good old nerdy fun. As we are nerds. Remember this, this is important.
Side note: All Female Drunk Twister? Awesome.
All Male Drunk Twister? HILARIOUS.
Anyway, this year, people voted, and they wanted to watch some movie with RiffTrax, because, as we are nerds, we love, love, LOVE Mystery Science Theater 3000. And we selected Star Wars Episode One, The Phantom Menace. Our logic was flawless, we want to watch RiffTrax, but we love the original trilogy too much to see them tear into it. We figure Episode One is the perfect mash of awful and exciting so as to keep us in but let us laugh. After all, it's fashionable to hate the prequels.
We didn't realize, however, that when viewed after the bulk of the celebrations, that is to say, around two a.m., this would lead us to hate ourselves.
The Rifftrax crew were amazing, they really were, but they only served to highlight what an awful, awful movie this is. Sean, Ben and I all were in agreement: There was no plot, only events linked by circumstance. But what really hurt was the sad realization that we were IDIOTS as kids.
"I saw this movie five times in the theater!"
"Me too! How was I so stupid!"
"Were we supposed to be afraid of Darth Maul? I think we only thought he was cool because of they hype."
"I hate my thirteen year old self!"
And so on.
The party was awesome, 99 Apples Liquor is delicious, and as always, Crystal Head Vodka is a trip to the Smooth Unknown.
But, given the introduction of the alcohol and slightly sexy (and very funny) twister games into our lives, I don't think it's possible to reclaim a level of childhood where the Star Wars prequels are good.
At least we'll have The Empire Strikes Back.
Because...well, Boba Fett...
...was a well defined character?




...Right?








...Guys?