Cereal

Remember the cereals we used to eat as little kids? Or, rather, the cereals that some of us still eat as a guilty pleasure? Lucky Charms, Cookie Crisp, Cinnamon Toast Crunch...All these high sugar, high calorie cereals with charming cartoon mascots to entice kids to eat them. What did we see in these things? Did we really think that Lucky's charms were going to grant us magical powers? Did we really want to invite a vampire into our homes under the promise of chocolate in the morning? Did we ever question what happened to the other two chefs that Wendell hung out with? As the fat one, did he eat them?
After diabetic shock sets in, I'm sure we'll all put the spoons down, maybe. I'm just personally concerned, because it seems I've never had a childhood. The closest I got to eating cartoon-sponsored cereal was Honey Nut Cheerios. My favorite cereal as a small child? Cracklin' Oat Bran. It seriously does not get more boring than that.
What happened to me as a child? Was I struck by this crunchy cereal, above all cartoon characters, primarily aimed at geriatrics who needed to be more regular, as fun somehow? What animated showoff would've spoken for COB? A peppy old man, decked out in his brown and green Sunday best, pennies in his loafers, quad cane in one hand, bed-pan in another?
Forget it. Now I'm depressed and cereal can't help me.